The Golden Globes and My Not So Golden Self-esteem.

I predicted most of the winners, but like always the winners I predicted and those I thought deserving weren't always the same.
Very glad Glee won.
Not only is it enjoyable, it's the freshest thing on TV in quite some time and Ryan Murphy is pretty much the God of TV.

Sandra Bullock winning over Emily Blunt was predictable, but it made me angry, not only because I love Emily Blunt and she was brilliant, but because people are way too prone to eating up the true stories, no matter how trite and predictable they are.

And even though I'm glad The Hurt Locker was nominated, it was such an amazing film and it sticks with you to such an unnerving degree that I'm really upset it didn't win best picture (although the best film of the year, Brothers should have been nominated and should've won).

Also, so glad Streep won for Julie & Julia and not It's Complicated.

Then, just to ruin my night, before going to bed, my mom, who's not said one supportive thing since finding out I signed with a talent agency has to say, "Do you know how hard it is to become an actress?
Your chances are like...one and a million. There are tons of girls out there trying to do just that.
You really think anything is going to come of this?
Maybe if you get a job in production, you can get a small part later."

I felt like saying, "And maybe I can't get a job in production. Maybe I've already been applying for production jobs without success for months. Maybe I never wanted to have a job in production anyway and you just wiped your feet on my dreams. I already know that I'm not tall, skinny, and beautiful. I know that I don't stand out and that I'm going to fail, but if I'm not going to try I may as well just kill myself because I don't want to live as some nothing person who solidified her nothingness all on her own by never trying anything."

I should never wonder why I have low self-esteem, when my mother makes it abundantly clear as often as she can that she hates me more than anyone else on the entire planet because she had me, gave up work and did nothing with her life and somehow her making a decision becomes my fault.

You say 'believe in yourself, that's all you need,' but it's not easy when the people you care most about can't muster the tiniest bit of encouragement and you have to wonder why there's not a single person who cares about you.

And I, being poor, have only my dreams.
I have spread my dreams beneath your feet.
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.