Tuesday, March 30, 2010

20 years mystery of stomach problems solved?

Went to an allergist.
Today I found out I'm allergic to Coffee, cola, gluten, wheat, yeast, milk, soy, pineapple, tomato, sesame, mustard, rye, walnuts, almonds, apples, clams, black pepper, chocolate (could be fatal, my throat closes up and I have to carry these epi-pens wherever I go), oh, and coconut.

Now I have to start a gluten free diet, but maybe I won't feel sick all the time.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Congratulations on ruining America...

Never mind the fact that the health care bill gives racial preferences which are unconstitutional and violate the Civil Rights Act.
Never mind that it will increase the deficit to an unprecedented degree.
Never mind that even liberal media reported that at least 6 out of every 10 Americans didn't want it passed.
Just ignore all those people in the lobby screaming "Kill the bill," those people, your constituents.
Just ignore the fact that the AMA is made up of only 17% of doctors, so having their approval doesn't mean anything. Ignore the fact that most doctors hated this idea.
Ignore the process, ignore the constitution, ignore the people, ignore everything which made this country great.
Obama was a constitutional scholar.
To study it and still ignore it or find ways to bypass it shows that he has no respect for it. If you don't respect this document, the greatest document every created in the history of the world, then you don't respect America.
He is officially the worst president in history.
Words cannot describe how much I hate him.

Monday, March 8, 2010

You belong in poetry...

And you belong in fine things, but you belong to someone else.
You belong to no one town.

You alone are holy.
You alone are beauty.
And you alone are lonely now.

You really let it out
For just a moment and I could see how.
You’d only lay me down on sheets that tear and give out.
I’ve never known a love ‘til now.

"You see women...on TV, in the movies, and they get left or whatever.
You just wanna kick 'em, they're so whiny.
Look at me."

Is there any feeling more humiliating and useless than the feeling of being in love?
It's embarrassing, feeling dominated by something you have absolutely no control over. Or perhaps, more accurately, someone. You can't make someone love you, especially not when you aspire to be who you are and not what they want.
You can't make someone stick around, no matter how much you may want them to.
And even when someone's a reason to get up in the morning, they might not think of you all day.
People act like being in love is such a wonderful thing..."What grace have I to fall so in love?"
But it can be an agony growing inside you, taking on a life of its own, like a child in the womb.

Most girls I knew couldn't wait to fall in love, pretended it, even before it happened. They wrote names of boys on notebooks, dreamed of weddings, named imaginary children.
I never wanted that.
I never wanted to be the kind of person who felt possessed by thoughts of someone else, but that's what I've become. To think of one person every day, without fail, and several times a day, makes me feel pathetic.
To spend so much time thinking about something which was never truly mine, someone whose hand I've never even touched and in all likelihood, will never touch, seems absurd.
It seems I've lost someone who might have been a dream, but is there any loss greater than the loss of a dream?

I wonder about karma.
I tell people that no one's ever loved me, but I don't think that's true.
What I mean is that no one I've loved has ever loved me back and that's only mostly true.
What is true, is that I haven't treated the people who fall in love with me very well. In most cases, this was only because I didn't love them back and not loving them was enough to hurt them. But to be honest, when I was younger, I was far less tactful, and what is now my best attempt at a gentle disappointment was once purposeful destruction.
Maybe I deserve what I'm feeling now because of my past mistakes.

I spend my time thinking about someone who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.
A ghost who now hates me or doesn't care for me, who not long ago seemed to admire me.

What does one do with all that pain?

I'm not to that point in my story.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Oscar show for Hop on Pop Culture...

We had no cameraman. Our tripod sinks.
It happens.

Use whichever link you prefer...or both, simultaneously.
Comments are welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-34D3im9nE

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=103400213

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I raised a flag up into your heart.

You let the winds come tear it apart.

I went to an allergist on Monday because my brother just found out he has a lot of food allergies. Given that he never had any symptoms and I've had stomach problems since I was two, and Upper GIs, Lower GIs, stomach scopes, ultrasounds, etc, found nothing, my mom thought it was a good idea.

I don't get the results back for a month, but my new doctor is really concerned by how many different symptoms I have. He made me fill a prescription for epinephrine injections and I'm to carry them with me wherever I go.
I'm never to eat chocolate again because the reaction could be fatal.
He thinks Celiac disease is likely.

It's not that big a deal and even if I had to eat slop for the rest of my life I'd prefer it to feeling nauseous a few times a day, not to mention other more serious and disgusting symptoms.

I'm actually afraid that I won't be allergic to anything else and they'll never find out what's wrong with me.

I told the people in my immediate family what's going on and I only felt like telling one other person about it, but I sense some new apathy when it comes to me...and it really doesn't feel worth mentioning.

If my throat closes up and I die, I can only imagine a few people at my funeral anyway, most of them to support my family, not out of any affection for me.
I'm such a winner.
...Now with allergies;)