But things don't really change...

I sent a message to an actor who I knew recently worked on a film in Michigan asking for advice on getting started. He was nice enough to respond and told me that even more than acting, writing is about who you know, but after paying me an undeserved compliment, he encouraged me to give acting a try. He gave me the name of a new Michigan agency that his friend was considering working with.
I wrote to them, name dropped, and they wrote back to me. Then they sent me a W9 and an Agency Agreement.
I signed with them.

I don't know what will come of pursuing acting, maybe nothing, but as it was secretly always my top aspiration, I think it's better to try and fail than not try at all.
And I'm grateful for the help I received as you don't always here stories of kindness coming from the 'Hollywood Types.'

Still, the cloud of uncertainty and negativity that so often plagues me descends. They could drop me at any time and I keep thinking they'll just change their minds when they meet me in person, or even before that.
And I get nervous. Usually I perform anyway, but I keep thinking I'm going to clam up when it counts.
That's why I haven't told anyone.
With me, things always seem to fall through.
I've never given anyone a reason to have faith in me, which is probably why no one does.

My mind turns to people who seemed to in the past, shooting stars in the infinite void that is my self-esteem. And now, when I need them most, I feel them slipping away, leaving me to the void, the negative thoughts which will make me fail if I don't all on my own.